#99 Space
This was originally going to be a long, rambling autobiographical letter, but I deleted it at the last minute.
Because all I really want to say to you today is this: take up your space. Don't make yourself small. Promote your work. Ask for things. Apply for fellowships, request funding, demand the world show you the attention you deserve.
I'm only just beginning to understand that I've spent the last four years in a kind of creative bereavement. A project I put my heart and soul into didn't get the attention I thought it deserved, and I was badly wounded.
I responded by going into hiding. I stopped my YouTube channel, cancelled my Patreon account, I gave up doing anything creative. Even today, my little plain text homepage telegraphs ‘here is someone curling up into a ball’.
The outcome is inevitably depression (#23).
It's easier to be small and indeed, as Beth Pickens argues, some groups in society are socialised to take up less space.
But I urge you, whoever you are, make noise, put your foot down, have your boundaries and guard them, share your work shamelessly, take up your space. It's your right as much as anyone else's.
Opening her book on growing old gracefully, the dancer Twyla Tharp issues a warning:
“As we get older and our bodies enjoy less natural freedom of movement, we tend to take up less space, both physically and metaphorically. Here’s the end point of this tendency: our backs arch forward, no longer straight and long. Our steps shorten from a stride to a shuffle. Our vision narrows, slowly erasing the periphery, leaving only what’s in front of our nose. No wonder we prefer remaining at home, our life lived in fewer and fewer rooms. We let our bodies constrict, inviting the world around us to close in.”
Push back, don’t let the world close in like I did.
Until another Sunday soon,
Hey Adam. I don't know what project didn't get the recognition you felt it deserved, but I wanted to let you know two things.
One; I very much understand that feeling, all too well. I made a documentary film that cost years of my life. It was a good documentary that I personally sacrificed for in many ways. Hardly anyone saw it. I made a TV show all about the creative process. I put everything I (emotionally) had into this. Almost nobody knows it ever existed. I made a couple podcast series that were essentially shelved as soon as they were finished. The majority of my career has been a repeating cycle of pouring my soul into something, for it to then be banished to digital oblivion almost before anyone has a chance to see it. It's beyond frustrating. It's deeply, deeply depressing.
Second; your work has really impacted me. Your series "The Long Game" is something I've revisited periodically since you released it. Part 3 about Vincent Van Gogh always stirs some feelings. I think about living an "autotelic" life frequently, in part because I'm so bad at it, so focused on trying to produce outcomes with work I think is meaningful, but always failing to make any waves. So... thank you for making that. You may not feel it had much impact in the world, but it matters to me.
Hey Adam, I'm here as an admirer of your work on Operation InfeKtion, and as a fellow creative who has gotten a lot out of reading your blog today. I'm going to act directly on the advice of this post and take up some space in the comments section by promoting a creative project (hey, you asked for it!). My team and I at Alterea Inc. have spent the last year+ creating Agents of Influence, a spy-themed educational video game about misinformation. Your series, Operation InfeKtion, along with many other media showing us the problem of misinformation, was a huge inspiration to us. The project is live on Kickstarter right now and has over 200 backers and $15,000+ in under 3 days, but we still have a long way to our $30,000 goal. I very much believe in the power of this project to make a difference to students around the world. Please check it out and share with anyone you think might be interested. https://bit.ly/AgentsInfluenceKickstarter